Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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