my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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