I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
