yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
