you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
