I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
