Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
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I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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