Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Text me some of your sweat
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