So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
