I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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