So drunk its hurt
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
