Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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