Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
