So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
