I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
