i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
