You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
