i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
