I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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