I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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