He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
