***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
