I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
