her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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