im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
