Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's shark week go big or go home
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
