If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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