Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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