yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
