I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
