Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
