You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
