Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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