I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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