Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
