I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
