tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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