I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize