There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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