I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
