Girls should come with a carfax report
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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