I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
