No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
