i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
