Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
