it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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