Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
