I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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