Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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