I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
