i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
