first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
