ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
