Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize