so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize