I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize