i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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