I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
