It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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