I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
