i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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