So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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