is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
