I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
