i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
