id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
