I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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