i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
