I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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