we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
