I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
