I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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