Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
