He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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