she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.