Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
