i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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