Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dick very happy bro
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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