He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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