Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
