so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
