Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my being single is dangerous.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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