69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
