A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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